


The Meme Team

by GraePearl



Series: Persona 3 Sibling!AU [4]
Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Drabbles that make no sense, Ken is a Psychopath, Multi, SPOILERS ABOUND, Sibling!AU, no braincells here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 5,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23793049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraePearl/pseuds/GraePearl
Summary: Minako, Minato, Junpei, and Ryoji try to bring some joy to Port Island through the wonderful world of internet memes.They also share one brain cell and nobody uses it correctly.(Drabbles that make Threat Level Midnight look like a masterpiece.)
Relationships: Arisato Minako/Sanada Akihiko, Arisato Minato/Mochizuki Ryoji, Iori Junpei/Yoshino Chidori, Kirijo Mitsuru/Takeba Yukari
Series: Persona 3 Sibling!AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1032755
Comments: 55
Kudos: 181





	1. Pickle Rick

**Author's Note:**

> So, I decided to start doing some short drabbles about memes. These are scenes I wanted in my main fic, but now, in short snippets that I can post anytime. Yay!
> 
> And now: Mitsuru has negative respect for da' boys.

“Hey, Kirijo-senpai!”

Mitsuru looked up from her book and across the lobby lounge, Junpei snickering with his computer on his lap, Minato and Ryoji flanked him on either side, staring at the screen. The latter holding back giggles behind his scarf, cheeks already a bright red from the effort. Even the former seemed to struggle keeping a straight face, the corners of his mouth twitching upward.

Immediately, she knew this conversation was going to end one of two ways: her scolding the trio for whatever they were looking at or her ignoring their antics to continue reading.

“I’m listening.” Mitsuru sighed.

“Good!” Junpei shut his laptop and handed it off to Minato. “So, have ya ever heard’a Rick and Morty?”

“No, why-”

Without warning, Ryoji leaped to his feet, cupping his hands over his mouth. “He turns himself into a pickle! He calls himself Pickle Rick! Funniest shit I’ve ever-”

Before he could finish, Mitsuru cocked back her arm and flung her book at Ryoji’s face. He flailed around on the floor, clutching his face and groaning in pain, while Junpei broke down in hysterical laughter at the sorry sight. Minato just shook his head and left the room, coming back a minute later with an ice pack.

She should have known better than to ask questions.


	2. Just Do It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minako helps her BF with public speaking.
> 
> Don’t @me, you guys know that Akihiko would totally do this.

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” Akihiko asked. “What if they think I’m crazy?”

Minako giggled, pushing him towards Classroom 1-A and trying her best to keep him from running the other way. “I hate to break it to ya, but they kiiiinda already do. So you’ve got nothing to worry about!”

“I still think the coaches should’ve picked someone else to give a pep talk. I’ll just make everyone feel worse.”

“Then it’s a good thing you came to me!” Minako stopped in front of their destination and turned him around, arms crossed. “We practiced this speech all night. I drilled you harder than I’ve drilled Minato and you know me, I don’t go easy on anyone, even my family. Yet you doubt my ability to recognize your preparedness? To my face?”

“I-”

“That was a rhetorical question.” She gave him a thumb’s up. “So say it loud!  _ I’ve been waiting for this! _ ”

Akihiko stared down at an expectant Minako. Had it been any other time, he would’ve indulged her wishes and just played along. He might have gone so far as to poke fun at her stubbornness or how unintimidating she looked (he could practically hear her inner-voice saying “I bet he’s secretly afraid of me!). 

Today was not that day and he was most certainly NOT waiting for this pre-tournament meeting to begin; especially when he was tricked into saying a few words of encouragement in front of the entire team, the last thing he wanted to do was attend. The last time he was forced to give a speech, he stood frozen, unable to get a single word out.

No amount of coaching can take away the memory of his classmates' awkward stares and the teacher finally taking pity on his damned soul, asking him to take a seat.

But despite what he wanted, Akihiko sighed and lowered her hand. He would look like an even bigger idiot if he decided to skip. “I’m. . . ready for this.”

Minako smiled. “That’s the big, tough BF I know and love!” She pivoted him towards the door and motioned for him to enter. “Now get in there and make me proud!”

As Akihiko marched himself through the door, he was glad that if he screwed up, at least the boxing team knew better than to gossip about what happened during practice. Unless they wanted to go a few minutes in the ring with Gekoukan’s best athlete.

* * *

Minako knew full well that it was unethical to abuse her Student Council privileges and sneak into the school’s security office. She knew she shouldn’t be eavesdropping on the box team’s private meetings via ceiling cameras, giving her a front-row seat to her greatest prank ever pulled. She also knew that Mitsuru would flip her lid if she found out what Minako was doing, all but assuring a swift and  _ very public _ execution upon discovery.

It was a good thing she brought Minato, Junpei, and Ryoji because deniability was a beautiful thing.

That and Minako had three people to throw under the bus.

“This monkey better put on a good show.” Minato said. “I’m getting bored waiting for something to happen.”

Ryoji yawned, slumping in his fold-up chair. “Me too. I just wanna go home and sleep forever.”

Minako glanced over at the whining pair. “I didn’t know his coach was gonna give an entire history of the school they’re going to. Have some patience-”

“Everyone shut up!” Junpei pointed at the monitor. “Look!”

All four teens snapped to attention, crowding around the tiny screen displaying the 1-A classroom. The desks were crammed full, walls lined end-to-end, all with high school boys from various grades and of different states of fitness. How a sport like boxing could attract so many participants, Minako had no clue. Perhaps their slogan was, “Join us and get all the bitches. And work-out, I guess.”

At the head of the room, a well-built man with a receding hairline was speaking, Akihiko and the rest of the captains standing behind him.

_ “~ And this concludes the nitty-gritty about tomorrow. Anyone got questions? Comments? Hopes and dreams? ~” _

“What about the homework-” Minato began to mumble before getting shushed by the others.

_ “~ No questions? Okily dokily doo! ~” _ The coach nodded to the line of captains.  _ “~ Then let’s finish the meeting with a few words from Captain Sanada! The floor is yours, maggot! ~” _

Akihiko stepped forward and replaced the coach at the front. Chatter broke out amongst the crowd, some leaned to whisper to their friend, and then they were promptly quieted by Akihiko clearing his throat.

The room fell into silence.

Akihiko looked left.

“Here we go.” Ryoji said.

He looked right.

“Aaaany second now.”

Looked straight at his audience.

“A few seconds.”

No words.

“A few more seconds?”

He began to pace.

“. . . Um.” Ryoji turned to Minako. “I think he’s mute.”

Minako shook her head, her lips curling into a smile. “Watch.”

As if on cue, Akihiko took a deep breath and yelled at the first row of unsuspecting students at the top of his lungs.

_ “~ DO IT! ~” _ He turned to glare at the students near the window.  _ “~ JUST DO IT! ~” _

Those students flinched back, their normally stoic captain facing forward, lowering his voice.  _ “~ Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow! ~”  _ His voice rose once again.  _ “~ So just DO IT! Make! Your dreams! COME TRUE! JUST do it!” _

Akihiko paced the floor, hands on his hips, head down as if in deep thought. Occasionally, he stopped and started. By now, everyone gawked at him with wide eyes. Some were clutching their chairs or had fallen off in shock, scattering the aisle with confused adolescents at the show going on. Afraid that this speech would end in blood.

Meanwhile, in the security office, Ryoji and Junpei were in tears trying to quiet their chuckles. Minako had to remind them that it wasn’t over yet just as Akihiko continued to speak.

_ “~ Some people dream of success, while you’re gonna get up and work HARD at it! What are you waiting for! You should get to the point where anyone else would quit, and you’re not going to stop there! NO! ~”  _ Akihiko pointed to individuals in the crowd.  _ “~ What are you waiting for!? DO IT! JUST DO IT! Yes you can! JUST DOOOOO IT!!~” _

Finally, Akihiko righted himself and squared his shoulders. Delivering the last sentence with the authority of a king.

_ “~ If you’re tired of starting over, stop. Giving. Up. ~” _

Unfortunately, Minako didn’t get a chance to see his team’s reaction to his rant. She had been dragged into a fit of laughter by her accomplices. Even Minato was doubled over, wheezing on the floor as Ryoji fell right on top of him, legs kicking. Junpei had the sense to collapse against a wall, flushed and breaking down bit by bit.

The only question Minako had was if she could steal a recording without anyone noticing.


	3. Biggest Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else think Ken is a psychopath? I can't be the only one (but I still like him though).

It was any other Sunday morning in November, the juniors (including Ryoji) and Minako studying on the lobby floor while Ken sat nearby, Kuromaru on the boy’s lap. The wind outside howled and rattled the windows, signaling the beginning of winter, yet the atmosphere inside was relatively cheerful. Just nine friends with nothing better to do but chat and finish their homework together.

Until Yukari looked up from her homework and asked  _ the question. _

“Hey, what’s everyone’s biggest fear?”

Rather than stopping to ask where this sudden inquiry came from, everyone looked up from their books and notes without a trace of hesitation on their faces.

“Werewolves,” Fuuka answered first, becoming bashful as she continued. “Natsuki tried to get me to watch those Twilight movies and I just couldn’t get past the second one without crying.”

Ryoji cooed over the poor girl’s embarrassment and patted her on the head. “Sharks. Can’t stand ‘em one bit.”

While stroking Kuromaru’s fur, Ken shocked the room with a monotone drawl.

“The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death.”

Everyone turned to the boy, some with mouths agape, others seemingly waiting for him to change his answer, but unfortunately, Ken remained silent. Running his fingers through Kuromaru’s fur with a contented grin on his face.

Junpei was the only person cognizant enough to point at Ken and say, “Him."


	4. Vibe Check?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screw continuity, Shinjiro needs screen time.

Junpei, Minato, and Ryoji peered from around a wall and into the dorm kitchen. A distracted Shinjiro Aragaki fluttered about the cooking area without a care in the world and fully engrossed in his craft. Completely unaware he was being watched by three pairs of eyes with scheming brains behind said eyes.

However, one of them, Ryoji, was sweating from head to toe, edging back behind the line of sight as discreetly as possible. “Are you guys sure this is safe?” he asked and tugged at his scarf. “He seems pretty busy right now and I don’t wanna bother him.”

Junpei snickered. “Should’ve thought about that when you challenged us to a game of Trivial Pursuit. And lost.”

Ryoji pointed an accusatory finger at Junpei, whisper-yelling to keep from being spotted. I didn’t know you were a secret trivia master! Minato maybe. But not  _ you!” _ He huffed, crossing his arms. “Let’s just come back later. Preferably, when Aragaki-senpai  _ isn’t _ holding a knife or a hot pan.”

Minato stuck his head between the other two boys. “It’s not like he’s gonna kill you. Not if Kirijo-senpai has anything to say about it.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better-!”

“Time’s up!” Junpei shoved Ryoji out of their hiding spot. “The faster you get this over with, the better!”

For a moment, Ryoji glared at his two ex-friends, practically bursting at the seams for what was about to happen next. Since when had any of them deliberately broke the Bro Code, all for a stupid, dangerous, FATAL prank? 

More importantly, how was Ryoji supposed to know that  _ Junpei Iori _ would school him in a game of memory and skill?

But Ryoji sighed, turned to the kitchen- his death bed- and cracked his knuckles. Shinjiro had his back to the junior, elbow bobbing up and down as he worked next to the stove. Whatever he was doing, he didn’t notice anything going on behind him.

At least if Ryoji died here, he died at the hands of a badass, therefore, making himself a badass in return.

He leaned back on his heels.

Raised a hand.

Took a deep breath.

And sprinted right at Shinjiro.

“VIBE CH-”

At the last second, Shinjiro whipped around to reveal just what he had been doing before Ryoji’s interruption. In one hand was a partially chopped up pepper, and the other, a knife.

A very big knife.

“BITCH, I HOPE THE FUCK YOU DO!” Shinjiro advanced on his attacker, waving the knife threateningly. “YOU’LL BE A DEAD SON OF A BITCH, I’LL TELL YOU THAT!”

What happened after that, Ryoji didn’t recall. Having a knife shoved in his face was enough to give him an acute heart attack and pass out from shock. The last thing he heard before the world went black was Minako screaming, “Language” from across the dorm.


	5. A Potato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screw continuity. I need my OG SEES gettin' bad vibes.
> 
> And some other people are there, too. I guess.

“Almost-there!” Minako looked upon her handiwork, a potato tied to the kitchen ceiling fan, with a satisfied grin. “That wasn’t so bad! I thought it’d take longer.”

Junpei, standing near the lobby light switches, snorted. “And the other seniors are  _ conveniently _ busy studying for college entrance exams.” He chuckled darkly. “Let’s see ‘em stop us this time!”

Fuuka, hiding behind Minato and Ryoji (both a safe distance from the kitchen), poked her head up to get a better look at the ceiling. “Isn’t this dangerous? What if it flies off the handle and breaks something? Like a window? Or worse?”

“Maybe it’ll break my leg and I won’t have to run laps in PE anymore,” Ryoji said before turning to Minato. “Ya think we should record this as proof I’m not faking it?”

“Hmm. . .” Minato tapped his foot. “I think I still remember the password to the security camera upstairs.”

“Boys!” Minako jumped the counter and landed deftly. “Time to get this show on the road. Preferably, before Ice Queen and Thunder Boy get back.” She pivoted to Junpei, giving him a thumbs up. “We’re ready. Flip the switch.”

“With pleasure.” With a flick of the wrist, Junpei turned on the fan as Minako retreated to safety beside him. The contraption began to softly whirl, and with it, the potato on a string.

In turn, Ryoji hummed to himself, prompting the others (except Fuuka) to start singing in unison.

_ “A potato flew around my room before you came~” _

* * *

Mitsuru, Akihiko, and Shinjiro walked down the sidewalk, only their footfalls to fill the awkward silence between them. The dorm was merely a few feet away, and after a long day of studying, the trio only wanted a quiet rest of their evening.

Until Mitsuru sighed and turned to the boys. “Are we not going to acknowledge the elephant in the room?”

“I have no fuckin’ clue what you’re talking about.” Shinjiro said.

“Really?” Mitsuru stopped dead in front of him, grabbing Akihiko by the arm before he could  _ pretend to not notice them stopping _ . “Because every time we leave the dorm, it seems like the Juniors get up to no good. And Miss Arisato condones the behavior. Practically endorses it, even.”

“Would you relax?” Akihiko brushed Mitsuru off, pointing to the dorm. “It’s not like they’re setting to dorm on fire-”

All of a sudden, the window to the right side of the front door shattered to pieces. A brown blur hurtled into the street as terrified screaming could be heard from inside.


	6. "Her sister was a witch, Minato."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So who thinks that I’ve been neglecting Junpei? Because I’ve been neglecting Junpei (and Yukari but I need ideas for her, pls send help).

Minako descended to stairs to the lobby, nearly tripping over herself with a cheesy grin on her face. In her hands was her prized copy of “Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne feat. Dante from Devil May Cry,” once thought to be lost at a relatives house, but during a thorough cleaning of her dorm room, was hidden at the bottom of a suitcase all along. Seeing the familiar cover art had nearly given her a heart attack from the shear relief and joy at her findl

And now, she couldn’t wait to share the good news with whoever happened to be around. No matter if they understood her reason for celebration or not.

“Guys! You’ll never guess what-!”

Before Minako could finish, Junpei, hovering over a seated Minato in the lounge area, held up a hand for her to stop. “Hold up, Minatan! This is serious!”

Minato leaned over to give his sister a frown. “Don’t listen to him-”

“HOLD! UP!” Junpei screeched and turned back to Minato, hands together. “Her sister was a witch, right? And what was her sister? A! Princess!” He pivoted and started heading towards the stairs where Minako stood stock still. As he reached the steps, he yelled over his shoulder, “The wicked witch of the east, bro!”

The comment prompted Minato to spring to his feet, crack his knuckles, and follow Junpei. “I’m gonna stab him.”

“You’re gonna sit here and tell me I’m wrong!? Am I wrong?” Junpei asked.

“It’s one of my favorite movies-”

“She wore a  _ crown _ and came down in a  _ bubble _ , Minato!” Finally, Junpei threw up his hands and stomped upstairs. “Grow up, bro! Grow up!”

“Get educated, moron!” Minato said after his friend disappeared from sight and returned to his chair.


	7. I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s my B-day today. Here’s my present to yall because I couldn’t write the next chapter of my main fic in time.
> 
> (P.S. Shout out to my Claude Stansn in the back. Fear the Deer.)

Ryoji and Yukari stared longingly from the dorm lounge and into the kitchen area, a certain pair of seniors (Minato and Akihiko, to be exact) flitting about from counter to counter, oblivious that they were being watched from afar. Piles of groceries surrounded them on all sides as they worked to stash them away in their proper places.

“Be careful with those eggs!” Minako said in the midst of unloading packages of sugar and flour. “Last time you helped me, you broke half the cartoon and my heart. I had _plans_ for those and you ruined it.”

Her warning earned a chuckle from Akihiko. “At least I didn’t break a window with a potato. All for a stupid joke.”

“It was Junpei’s idea.”

“You still went along with it.”

“It sounded good on paper.”

“You’re older. You should know better.”

Minako stopped sorting through the bags in front of her to pout at Akihiko. “You’re a jerk sometimes. You know that?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Keep it up and I just might put you on supply detail. And I know how much you _love_ shopping where all your fangirls buy their makeup.”

Instead of giving in to her taunts, Akihiko stopped and faced her head on, smirking all the while. “Doesn’t sound like a punishment to me.”

“Is that a bluff?” Minako asked.

“No.” Akihiko’s smirk grew. “You go on every run, so if I’m stuck on supply duty, it’d give me an excuse to hang out with you more often. Since you're so busy nowadays.”

Instantly, Minako’s frown wavered. She ducked her head, ears tinged a bright red and a hand coming up to hide her mouth. “You realize what you just said, right?”

“Did I stutter?”

Both Ryoji and Yukari turned away from the scene, rolling their eyes and settling into their seats on the couch.

“Those two _seriously_ need to get a room.” Yukari groaned.

Ryoji nodded, equally disgusted by the horrible display of flirting. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they already got one-”

“-What the fuck, guys.” Minato, sitting next to Ryoji, said. “That’s my sister you're talking about.”

Throwing back her head, Yukari slumped deeper into the cushions. “That’s what you're worried about? One of them can barely talk to girls outside of SEES and just look at them!” she cried. “Why can’t somebody treat me like Akihiko-senapi treats Minako-senpai!?”

“Exactly!” Ryoji glared straight at Minato. “Why don’t you do something romantic like him?”

Minato returned the glare. “Because I’m not a love-sick monkey who’s gonna die in his sleep tonight.”

In retaliation, Ryoji cuddled up to Minato’s side, trying his hardest to give a convincing impression of Kuromaru begging for treats. “Aww, is somebody jealous that his rival is more romantic than him?”

Minato didn’t push Ryoji away, but his frown deepened as if considering the other teen’s question. 

After a moment, he finally let out a long sigh. “You twisted my leg.” Minato cleared his throat. “Ken. My guitar.”

From behind the couch, Ken popped up, holding an acoustic guitar without a trace of amusement from his out-of-nowhere appearance. How he did so was still a mystery, to this day, however, Yukari and Ryoji jumped once they noticed the newcomer, inching away from Minato as he accepted the instrument with a nod. “That‘s a new record.”

“Thank you, Minato-san.” Ken bowed to Yukari and Ryoji, a deadpan expression on his face. “Yukari-san. Ryoji-san.”

“Hey Ken.” they replied in muted unison.

Minato picked at the strings, plucked out a few phrases before settling on a long cord. “Sounds about right.” he mumbled to himself and turned to Ryoji. “Ready?”

Though Ryoji knew Minato was skilled with the violin and a decent voice, he never knew that his boyfriend had musical talent outside of those two realms. The very idea of a love ballad, the likes of which he never knew was possible from someone like Minato, was even more surprising and heartfelt.

Ryoji nodded enthusiastically.

However, to his dismay, Minato promptly struck a disjointed cord and pointed at Ryoji.

“I love you. Bitch.”

Yukari shook her head. “Oh my god.”

Another disjointed cord. “I ain’t never gonna stop loving you.” A tiny pluck. “Bitch.”

At least Minato tried.


	8. The Song From Shrek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Kagepro Day. Here's a Shrek reference.
> 
> (lol to all my KagePro fans, Minako and Ayano would totally get along. Fight me outside of Denny's if you disagree.)

Sundays in the Iwatodai Dorm were slow, to say the least. With no school, no clubs, and few obligations outside of hunting Shadows, the members of SEES found themselves out on the town or holed up in their individual rooms. Many times, they would check in with fellow teammates before leaving for the afternoon (Mitsuru loved to stress the buddy system to no end), but other than that, they all had total freedom to go about their business for the day.

The evening was a slightly different story. Around sunset, as the clouds began to glow a heavenly gold, and children were scrambling to get home before dark, Minako made it tradition for as many of their motley crew as possible to share a meal.

It wasn’t a special occasion by any means, more of a courtesy to her, if anything. She suspected that was the case when Aigis pointed it out quite that the only reason she was there was because Minako “smiled more often” and “a happy leader makes a happy team.” But she appreciated when her comrades, family, and everything in between got together to break bread. Even if it was for their field leader’s selfish sense of motherly pride.

That, and she threatened to ugly cry in the middle of the lobby if she was the only one there. It worked on everyone except Shinjiro, who made a point of NOT attending if he had a hand in preparing the food.

Tonight was no different as she busied herself with chopping onions, sniffling as the pungent stench burned her nostrils and eyes. Though she put up with the pain, knowing that it would all be worth it when they could be put to good use in her one-pot stir fry.

But why did onions have to have so many layers?

So many stupid, complex, smelly, ugly-

“Hey, has anybody seen a pocket wa-” Shinjiro walked right past the counter, only to pause mid-step when he caught sight of a sniveling Minako. Immediately, he frowned as she continued to torture herself for the sake of cooking. “You look like shit.”

Minako glared at him through her tears. “Good to know you care about me.”

Shinjiro huffed and took a seat at the counter top, slumping forward with a defeated sigh. “Where’s your brother and the two idiots who follow ‘em around like lost puppies? I’m looking for something and I’ve got a feeling they stole it.”

“The _two idiots_ have names.”

“Like I’ve got that kinda time.” Shinjiro griped. “Jus’ tell me where I can find ‘em. I can take care of the rest.”

Gingerly, Minako placed her knife aside and grabbed a nearby towel, dabbing at her eyes before retreating to the sink. “I sent them to the store about an hour ago. They should be home any second-”

_“Some… “_

Both seniors looked up and at the front door where a muffled voice could be heard on the other side.

When the voice trailed off, Shinjiro made a move to get up. “Looks like they're here-”

The front door slammed wide open, Ryoji and Junpei marching into the lobby while singing obnoxiously loud. Minato followed behind them, carrying two grocery bags in both arms, yet somehow able to tap out a beat to his friend’s mismatched singing.

_“-BODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WOOOOORLD WAS GONNA RULE ME! I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHE-AD!!”_


	9. Who Broke It?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a PSA that Ken is still a psychopath.

“So…” Mitsuru hounded over the members of SEES. On the counter in front of her was the remains of a coffee machine, found on the floor moments before she called an impromptu meeting in the lobby kitchen. “Who broke it?”

Minako, Minato, Junpei, and Ryoji were looking every which way except for the object in question. Yukari and Fuuka were huddled together, throwing sidelong glances at their fellow juniors, all while Aigis investigated the machine in question. Akihiko and Shinjiro seemed to be the only two unaffected by the situation, their eyes darting to the clock every so often in anticipation for the end of this interrogation.

Finally, Minako sighed and stepped forward. “I did, I broke it-”

“-No. No, you didn’t.” Mitsuru quickly cut her off and pointed at Ryoji. “Mochizuki?”

Snapping out of his haze, Ryoji frowned. “Don’t look at me!” He swiveled to Shinjiro. “Look at Aragaki-senpai!”

“What?” Shinjiro glowered. “I didn’ break it.”

Junpei peered over Ryoji’s shoulder, a coy grin on his lips. “Huh. That’s weird. How’d ya know it was broken?”

Shinjiro face-palmed before motioning towards the coffee machine. “Cause it’s sitting there and it’s broken.”

To round out the infamous trio, Minato hummed and wandered into Shinjiro’s personal space. Inspecting him from head-to-toe. Once he appeared to be satisfied, he turned to Mitsuru and nodded. “Suspicious. No doubt about it.”

Shinjiro snatched Minato by the back of his collar and yanked the younger man back into line. “No, it ain’t.”

“If it matters-probably not...” Akihiko trailed off before he turned to Yukari, “Takeba was the last one to use it.”

Yukari gasped. “Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!”

“Really, then what were you doing with those coffee beans earlier?”

“I use them to clear my palette when I go perfume shopping. Everyone knows that, senpai!”

Again, Minako inserted herself to the center of everyone’s attention, putting a buffer between Akihiko and Yukari who had begun to inch closer to one another. “Alright, let’s not fight! I broke it so let me pay for it!”

“No!” Mitsuru finally shouted, banging a fist on the counter. “Who broke it!”

Silence fell over the room in an instant as everyone waited with bated breath. Surely, the guilty party would come forward so the team could lay their accusations to rest? At the very least, someone must know what actually happened.

However, instead of either a confession or proper allegation, Fuuka tentatively raised her hand. Her voice was no louder than a mouse.

“Mitsuru-senpai. Ai-chan has been awfully quiet.”

The usually cool-headed android whipped her head toward Fuuka. “Really!?”

As chaos erupted in the kitchen area, Ken Amada watched on with twisted delight as his dorm mates bickered amongst themselves. Kuromaru pressed against his leg, ears pinned his furry head, whining at the increased hostility.

Nonetheless, Ken ignored the dog’s discomfort and turned to the audience. “I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with a pig’s head on a stick.” he said while nodding to himself. “Good, it was getting a little chummy around here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, who wants more Parks and Rec chapters?


	10. Bye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We stan Kurosawa.

_ December Incident Log: Paulownia Mall _

_ Officer Kurosawa _

_ 12/13/2009- No incidents to speak of _

_ 12/14/2009- No incidents to speak of _

_ 12/15/2009- No incidents to speak of _

_ 12/16/2009- No incidents to _

* * *

_ Ring, ring~ _

Officer Kurosawa glanced up from his logbook as the door to Paulownia Mall’s police station opened, the bell tinkling to his annoyance. Whoever decided that a police station needed a bell above the door needed a demotion and a pay cut, because, without fail, no one entered the station unless they wanted to complain or were the subject of a complaint. Or they were one of the kids from SEES, but arguably, some were more of a nuisance than others.

And speak of the devil, in walked one of the juniors of the team. Baseball cap worn backward. Thick winter jacket. A cheerful grin. And a sagger to his step.

Kurosawa recalled the name Junpei Iori.

The boy was second from the top of the nuisance list. Right below the blonde girl who followed Minako Arisato and her brother around like a lost puppy (she threatened to shoot a drunk that approached the siblings in the mall and the drunk did not take kindly to those words).

“Yo! What’s up, dude?” Junpei sauntered over to the counter. “Catch any criminals or just another day?”

In a huff, Kurosawa set aside his incident book. The sooner he could get the boy out of his station and back on the streets, the sooner he could get back to important matters, such as actual work. “Are you here on business? If so, make it quick.”

Junpei chuckled, waving Kurosawa off. “Someone’s touchy today.” He propped an elbow on the counter. “Actually, I lost a friend of mine and can’t find him. Ya got access to the PA system?”

Kurosawa crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at the boy with hooded eyes. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, right-” Junpei jabbed a thumb outside, “-I was wonderin’ if I could make an announcement. That's cool with you?”

Sighing, Kurosawa ducked his head under the counter and grabbed the station’s PA microphone. It had been installed centuries ago and mostly unused since then. The mall was, quite frankly, a dull place from criminal activity. Most of the time, he simply marched over to where a situation was taking place and handled it promptly, rather than calling down those involved like they were back in elementary school. It didn’t help that he rather disliked hearing his own voice over the screechy speakers.

Letting someone else save him the trouble seemed harmless enough. And Junpei Iori was far from devious, from what he had been told by Minako. A little eccentric, but usually well mannered when it counted.

“Make it quick.” Kurosawa slid the mic across the counter and flipped the intercom button to on.

Junpei nodded, rubbed his hands together, and leaned forward towards the mic.

“Goodbye, you little shit.”

* * *

_ December Incident Log: Paulownia Mall _

_ Officer Kurosawa _

_ 12/13/2009- No incidents to speak of _

_ 12/14/2009- No incidents to speak of _

_ 12/15/2009- No incidents to speak of _

_ 12/16/2009-  _ ~~_ No incidents to  _ ~~ _ Multiple complaints of profane language heard over the mall’s PA system, please refer to attached documents _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler, it was Minato who ditched Junpei.


	11. Among Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, who here thinks Ryoji lookin sus?

**_> > EMERGANCY MEETING CALLED < <_ **

_BluesClues:_ _guys canon-chan is sus_

_Canon-chan:_ _wat u just vented right in front of me!_

_BluesClues:_ _sounds sus to me, fellas_

_AceDefective:_ _real sus_

_LiterallyImposter:_ _sustard and ketchup_

_BluesClues [I VOTED]:_ _the people have spoken_

_Canon-chan:_ _GUYS PLS DON'T DO THIS_

_LiterallyImposter [I VOTED]:_ _adios_

_AceDefective [I VOTED]:_ _sorry_

_**> > Canon-chan was not an Imposter. 1 Imposter Remaining < <** _

* * *

Minako slammed her laptop shut, startling everyone in the lobby, and rose from the couch. Minato snorted, Junpei and Ryoji cackled hysterically on the floor, Ken sat impassively next to her, continuing to play the game in silence. 

“You shouldn’tve killed me in the last round,” Minato said.

“You deserved it!” she yelled back and stormed to the staircase. "Frick all of you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ken's nickname is BC:OrangeEdition.


	12. Therapy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My therapist sent me this tik tok. She's wonderful and therapy is awesome.
> 
> Too bad Minato hates joy.

“I think wanna dye my hair a different color,” Minato said, flipping through a magazine while lounging on one of the lobby couches. “I’m thinking navy.”

Yukari, sitting not too far from him, grimaced. “That’s just another shade of blue.”

Laying on Minato’s lap, Ryoji hummed in agreement. “Why not black? We’d be matchies!”

“No,” Minato grumbled.

With a snap of her fingers, Yukari jumped to her feet. “I bet you could pull off a nice salmon-!”

_ “Hell _ no,” Minato grumbled a little louder.

From behind the couch, Minako jumped out and draped herself across Minato’s shoulder. Yukari and Ryoji flinched at her sudden appearance from seemingly out of nowhere.

“You know what color you haven’t tried?” Minako asked and snatched up Minato’s magazine, exchanging it for a neutral colored pamphlet. “Therapy.”

* * *

_ /// One Week Later /// _

* * *

“-And that’s why I hate Minako,” Minato concluded his flashback and slouched in his seat, running his hands through his hair (undyed, no thanks to a certain someone). The walls of the therapist’s office felt stifling. “What kind of sister just signs her brother up for therapy? I’m fine.”

The therapist held up a sheet Minato had filled out before coming into the office. “Her concern is warranted. You scored abnormally high on your depression and anxiety inventory, which doesn’t help when looking at your circumstances.”

“Like you know anything.”

The therapist,  _ Minato’s _ therapist, glanced down at his chart and squinted over his glasses. “You were involved in a car crash that killed your parents, been to six seperate schools in the past ten years, have a history of running away from previous guardians,  _ and _ the only parental figure in your life that you’ve identified is a girl who is barely a year older than yourself.” The therapist set aside his chart. “It seems like you’ve had a traumatic life. I’m surprised you haven’t seen someone sooner.”

Minato rolled his eyes.

All he wanted was to get his hair dyed.


End file.
